Duty versus Obligation

Recent events in my life started me thinking about the difference between "duty" and "obligation." I was reminded again of the importance of following internal guidance when it comes to reducing stress in our lives.

"Duty" follows my inner dictates as to what is entailed in my relationship to others, whether it is another person, an institution, or the world at large. Doing my duty seldom leaves me feeling resentful. I willingly nursed my sick children, contributed to my mother's financial support, took my sick friend to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning, and diligently recycle. Not doing what we know to be our duty usually leaves us with a sense of guilt.

"Obligations," on the other hand, follow external expectations that exceed our inner sense of duty. Feeling resentful afterwards is a good indication that we did something out of a sense of obligation. Such as when I got talked into babysitting for someone I hardly knew, spent all three days of Thanksgiving with in-laws when I really needed quiet time and rest, loaned money when I didn't want to. The motivating factor behind succumbing to "obligations" is usally fear: fear of someone's anger or disappointment, fear of not being loved, liked or admired.

Sometimes we mistake "fear" for "guilt." This confusion in turn misleads us in distinguishing between "duty" and "obligation." It takes a lot of inner dialogue to sort it all through. Frequently a mass resistence to what at first appeared to be "obligation" might dissolve when we discover a grain of "duty" in what is being asked of us, and we can delineate what part we are "willing" to agree to and what we must decline. Similarly, what we have been programed to consider as our "duty" might contain elements of "obligations," in that they exceed our personal sense of what should be entailed in that specific time, place or relationship.

Each of us is different, and each situation is unique. Defining our place and relationships in the world is an ongoing, complex business. The process requires our attention and a lot of work. It is worthwhile in the long run, for the end result is increased self-understanding and acceptance, more ease in our relationships, and a greater sense of personal freedom.